my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
