The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
