worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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