My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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