you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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