I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
