90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
