I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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