i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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