ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you had me at cake vodka
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will be naked everywhere
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
