every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
