Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
