oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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