five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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