My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
