thus making me awesome and them whores
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
