I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
