hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
