im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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