Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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