We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
