You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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