Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
