she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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