I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
