is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Found the puke drawer
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
