Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
whose parrot is this?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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