That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
