WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
