look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I use my feet as sexual weapons
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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