she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
