Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
