Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
