Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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