I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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