Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
