Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
