I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
