Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
