I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
