it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
