just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
