We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
