i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
We need to feng shui this bitch.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
