Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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