yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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