the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
