There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
