We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
