NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
