Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
