I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
