if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
