I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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