apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
