He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
