Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
