okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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