I swear she didn't look like that last week.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
