I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
