Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
