I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
