My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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