mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
