I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
